Feelings
I've shared some on facebook about going through a tough time right now. I can't embellish right now; it just isn't the right time or place. I think I've subconsciously avoided blogging over the past few days either because I'm afraid that what I'm feeling will all come spilling out or because I'm so consumed in what's going on with me that I'm afraid I can't write about anything else. But I did have a few things that I wanted to share and I thought that I would do so tonight.
Everyone has feelings. Some of us are more emotional than others and all of us choose different ways to express how we feel. Whether blessed with a lot of "things" or blessed with few, feelings are there. Whether you have a large, beautiful family or just a few loved ones, feelings are there. Whether optimistic or pessimistic about life, feelings are there. Whether you choose to share or to keep them in, feelings are there.
I think that many people mistake what they see as my life as "perfection." Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family, some members of which are my best friends. I live in a home larger than I ever could've dreamed. I get the opportunity to spend my days being a "play at home mommy" to the three best daughters I could've ever asked God for. I don't go without a meal unless I choose to and I'm able to dress myself and my girls in beautiful clothing on any given day. I am surrounded by amazing friends who would do anything for me if only I asked, and I would do the same for them. Looking at all of this, I can see how one would assume there is nothing but good in my life.
However, none of this determines what has happened in my life, the good and the bad ways I've been treated or the feelings I have over the events of each day I live. Just because I have a warm and comfortable bed to sleep in each night doesn't mean sleep comes easy. Just because I have a closet filled with pretty things doesn't mean that I feel beautiful everyday. Just because I put a smile on my face doesn't mean I'm not hurting inside.
Some of you reading know all about my childhood, the multiple divorces I've lived through and my losing my father when I was 16. What is going on now has nothing to do with that. It has nothing to do with anyone I care about being sick or with abuse or adultery in my marriage or with financial trouble. In fact, if you were to sit down and each try to guess fifty things you still wouldn't put a finger on what is going on or how I feel about it, so it's not worth even trying.
What I can say is this--I experience feelings the same way anyone else does, and right now my feelings have been deeply hurt. I have been struggling for awhile and just trying to keep everything looking okay while inside I have a wound with not nearly enough bandaids to cover it (both literally and figuratively). I am working on fixing this for good and looking forward to moving on with my life. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep myself in the groove of life and I'm trying to look forward to good things that are coming up for my family and I. I'm trying to keep a smile across my cheeks and to enjoy those around me. Some moments are tougher than others, but I cherish the good times I've been able to have over the past few weeks in spite of the hurt inside.
If you think of it, say a prayer for my feelings, ok? I promise to get back to regular blogging about all things happy in the Vitt family soon. Happy Tuesday friends :)
Everyone has feelings. Some of us are more emotional than others and all of us choose different ways to express how we feel. Whether blessed with a lot of "things" or blessed with few, feelings are there. Whether you have a large, beautiful family or just a few loved ones, feelings are there. Whether optimistic or pessimistic about life, feelings are there. Whether you choose to share or to keep them in, feelings are there.
I think that many people mistake what they see as my life as "perfection." Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family, some members of which are my best friends. I live in a home larger than I ever could've dreamed. I get the opportunity to spend my days being a "play at home mommy" to the three best daughters I could've ever asked God for. I don't go without a meal unless I choose to and I'm able to dress myself and my girls in beautiful clothing on any given day. I am surrounded by amazing friends who would do anything for me if only I asked, and I would do the same for them. Looking at all of this, I can see how one would assume there is nothing but good in my life.
However, none of this determines what has happened in my life, the good and the bad ways I've been treated or the feelings I have over the events of each day I live. Just because I have a warm and comfortable bed to sleep in each night doesn't mean sleep comes easy. Just because I have a closet filled with pretty things doesn't mean that I feel beautiful everyday. Just because I put a smile on my face doesn't mean I'm not hurting inside.
Some of you reading know all about my childhood, the multiple divorces I've lived through and my losing my father when I was 16. What is going on now has nothing to do with that. It has nothing to do with anyone I care about being sick or with abuse or adultery in my marriage or with financial trouble. In fact, if you were to sit down and each try to guess fifty things you still wouldn't put a finger on what is going on or how I feel about it, so it's not worth even trying.
What I can say is this--I experience feelings the same way anyone else does, and right now my feelings have been deeply hurt. I have been struggling for awhile and just trying to keep everything looking okay while inside I have a wound with not nearly enough bandaids to cover it (both literally and figuratively). I am working on fixing this for good and looking forward to moving on with my life. In the meantime, I'm trying to keep myself in the groove of life and I'm trying to look forward to good things that are coming up for my family and I. I'm trying to keep a smile across my cheeks and to enjoy those around me. Some moments are tougher than others, but I cherish the good times I've been able to have over the past few weeks in spite of the hurt inside.
If you think of it, say a prayer for my feelings, ok? I promise to get back to regular blogging about all things happy in the Vitt family soon. Happy Tuesday friends :)
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