The Elephant in the Room
Feb 26, 2014 Minutes before the accident
I have struggled with blogging again because I need to complete the story by explaining why I blogged 2/25/14 an then suddenly disappeared. I wasn't ready.
Until now...
February 26, 2014 impacted my whole life. I went from having 0 surgeries to having 5. I went from having 1 broken bone to having 10, including a skull fracture that went initially undetected. I went from becoming a better skier each passing year to being terrified of the slopes. I went from having just gotten a well-deserved new car to being told I wouldn't be able to drive it for 16-18 months. I went from being a fantastic mom who was close with all my girls to not being in their home for 59 days and not being able to be the mom I strived to be everyday before for over a year. I went from being a great wife to not being able to go to bed with my husband for 59 days and to being afraid of numerous possibilities that could happen while going out somewhere once I finally got home. I’ve literally had to re-learn how to do every single thing. How to sit in a chair. How to brush my teeth. How to bathe (which I couldn't do for over 7 ½ weeks). How to eat. How to speak. How to walk. How to use the restroom. How to get dressed. And much, much more.
Because of the insanely poor discretion of someone FROM Telluride who CLEARLY knew the slopes, my husband and I were stuck in Colorado until March 15. My girls were only 2, 6 and 8 once and I missed that. I continued to miss out despite my family's and friend’s best efforts. I even could not be at my youngest’s 3rd birthday party because I was in surgery the same day at the same time.
I have 21 new scars, daily reminders of that horrific day when I was just having fun and got pummeled by someone at least 60 lbs more than me, flew 60 feet, then slid (broken bones and all) as I tried to catch my breath for another 50-60 feet before waiting for ski patrol who had to figure out the best way to pick me up and transport me to medical help.
Below is a list of the injuries I have suffered as a result of the poor judgement of the guy who recklessly hit me that day:
Broken Tibia
Broken Fibula
Broken Ulna
Broken Radius
Broken Hip
Broken Tailbone
Broken Ribs (2)
Stroke which led to emergency brain surgery
Lacerated Kidney
Lacerated Liver
I also battled daily high fevers, the cause of which was never found, for two weeks. I had to endure sleeping on a cooling blanket, being iced, etc. It was horrible, to say the least.
Because of my stroke, which happened as a direct result of the tremendous accident, I am very weak on my right side. I can’t use my right hand to write or eat or make a peanut butter sandwich because I tremble tremendously. I cannot take any prescribed hormones so birth control pills are absolutely not given to me. Someday I will have to endure menopause without hormone therapy--without even being given the choice I deserve whether to use this type of therapy. Also because of the stroke, my vision was badly affected. As of September I could not see very far--all looked like I was looking through a cracked mirror. At first, everything looked like this, even up close. I could not read at all. My eyes went whatever way they wanted to all the time. As soon as I was no longer intubated, I asked if I was deformed. Every single thing was distorted. I thought for sure I was too.
I have to have a hip replacement in the next 8 years as a result of my hip being broken and subsequent stroke. That means 17+ more days away from my family and a synthetic hip at a young age. It means additional new hips as time goes on. Absolutely unfair.
Because of this accident I could not go on my planned and paid for vacation to Florida (my flights were arranged and paid for right before this accident) and could not ride rides all summer at Cedar Point. No, instead of the rides, I had to travel the park each time in my wheelchair while watching my husband and children enjoy them without me. You see, every year my family has season passes to Cedar Point and this accident had such a profound effect on my vestibular system that I am dizzy enough from simply looking up so I could not handle more jostling, etc. at all.
The emotional stress has not only had a great impact on me, but all who love me including my children. They had to visit a therapist weekly for 14 weeks. They could not understand why mommy could not facetime or even call them. They cried, hid, backslid with potty training and more. A therapist created a social story with many photos to explain in simple terms what had happened to me. Unfortunately, what happened to me was anything but simple!!
Because of this tragic accident, my mother, who was at The Ohio State University for her doctorate, had to extend her graduation from May to August. She was supposed to graduate with all her classmates and friends, but could not. She also could not get a new job with her new degree for those three months. It was difficult to witness her disappointment, even though she tried very hard to act like all was fine. I also could not watch my own mom graduate when she finally was able to because I had no way to Columbus to watch her.
This has been a huge burden for us--financially, emotionally, and much more. Here are some of the financial burdens this has placed on us:
Clothing cut off of me (including jacket, helmet, goggles, long underwear shirt, long underwear pants, other patagonia shirt, ski pants, smartwool ski socks) $635
Nanny’ wages, 130 days so far $14,040
Medical Bills we have responsibility to pay $43,973.72
Scott’s rental car $1424.99
Flights of 3 people who had to fly out to me on a moment’s notice (my mother, father, aunt) $1800
Meals we had to buy in Grand Junction $50+ per day 18 days $900
Ski poles smashed and broken $75
Medical aides (grab bars in each bathroom, seat for shower, walker, cane, shoe horn, elastic shoe laces, therapy putty, etc) $300
Air Ambulance to fly home $17,000
Scott’s unused lift ticket which he had paid for $110
Shoes with traction required $120
Dr. parking garage fees $15
Lost Income of my home business, B’s Bows, including this upcoming craft show season which I’m unable to do $5000
Extra days my car was in airport parking $104
TOTAL: $85,497.71
This list was made 4 months ago and does not include more days of paying a nanny as well as therapy at home once my insurance would no longer cover outpatient visits at the location I had lived at in March and April...
There is so much this list also does not include--missed weeks of work by my family, the flights we were supposed to take home but could not, the many meals brought to me when I could not eat at rehab, the clothing I’ve had to purchase for cold weather since I cannot wear jeans, the lost work of my husband, my father-in-law and brother-in-law who are all in the construction industry and more.
Christmas Eve--with so many people I love!
A comparison--me with my friend Lisa in my third hospital in Colorado and just over a week ago when she and her family visited Ohio!
There is a video from the sentencing hearing (the guy who hit me was charged criminally because he clearly not only violated but completely felt he was above the Skier Safety Act). He was charged with reckless endangerment. With little pressing, the sheriff would've also given him an assault charge!
I conclude, in that video I said that I forgive the young man who hit me. I truly have. This past weekend a pastor spoke on forgiveness. It was like he was speaking directly to me! He described that you know you've forgiven when the person can call you in great need and you're willing to help. I thought about this while he spoke and while my entire life was strongly affected by the actions of my perpetrator that day, if he was in need and asked for my help I'd have no preconceived notions about helping him. It sounds odd, even to me, but it's true. It's taken months but I've forgiven and taken a weight off my own shoulders. Does his lack of a heartfelt apology hurt? Absolutely. But do I wish him the best? Of course. Have I given him the best gift I could? Yep. Have I in turn given myself the best gift I could? YES!
Now that the elephant in the room has been acknowledged, I feel so much better!
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